Use Your Flame

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"Beautiful things do not ask for attention"

just watched twilight for the first time, thought it would be painful and boring lol.. but i admired the moment at the end where he says she needs to go to jackson ville to be safe and leave him and she says ” what.. NO NO. we arent ever going to be apart, we cant be apart. I wont leave you. dont say stuff like that. ever.” and he then agrees to her. i smiled because i want that, someone who would never leave me, could never leave.. just loyal and wouldnt go. i deserve that, everyone does.. i want that more than anything

damn you cut me down hard, do you know how much I cared for you? if you only know how much I cared about YOU. I really cared about you, not what you could give me, but you. And Ive risen from my ruins that you made, I am being rebuilt. I will be a masterpiece.

if i could look into your eyes and see you looking back with complete sadness, you were to look at me and speak that you are so sorry my heart would in fact beat faster but not for you to love me again, but because i want to know you cared about me still. ive left you at the altar and ive given up this thing i hold on to, but i wont lie it still hurts to see you. it still makes me deep down a little angry when i know what person you are and what you did to me. but i want you to hear this, somehow, even though you probably dont have tumblr. but i want you to know ill never speak to you or look at you, ill never go out of my way to see if you are okay, and i will never go out of my way to get revenge on you. i wont even try anything with you because it hurts and it is so opposite who i am trying to be. when your whole life is a lie, i hope you can realize how seriously wrong that is. I know my value and what I am capable of, I have already florished in the stepping out. You will see now that I have never needed you, but I am loyal and my heart is very sensitive. So If i step on someones toes, I feel it too. I want you to know i dont owe you anything, and i have already forgiven you so you cant play games with me anymore because there is nothing you have that I could ever want. I hope you have a good life. I really do. Realize you cannot ever again be a part of my life as a friend again, I would never trust or believe you.. and at least for the next year or so, I know my heart might give in to those feelings I thought I had forgotten. The feelings that made me feel like gold and were leading me through hell. And I hope you dont attempt to control me in anyway, dont be selfish and play games, please, dont cause any more unnecessary pain.